It's been awhile since my last post. Partly, it's because in any given week or day even, I go through a slew of emotions and by the time I sit to write an entry, and come back to edit it; the feelings of things are just different (if that makes any sense).
To summarize, lately, I've been very regretful of certain things. I regret not giving mom a grandchild sooner. I know it's stupid to think that way but for years and years, I put off having kids . She'd always ask me when she was going to be a grandma. She was SO looking forward to the day when she would be. It just really breaks my heart I guess, that she was two months shy of meeting C. But it is what it is, I suppose. Can't change it. Then I think that if I were to have had a baby sooner, I would not have been able to take care of her to the extent I did. So the timing actually worked in a weird way cause there were days I did not know how I did what I did. So, if I had a child in all that - I don't know how I would've done it. Just last night, I was thinking of her and chatting with my husband about all this and it dawned on it that her passing at the time she did was actually in a weird way a gift to me. She was worried about me and my pregnancy and dealing with so much. She'd ask me every day how I was feeling. Even the afternoon before she passed (while she was alert enough), she asked me to come over closer. I remember her caressing my belly and then kissing it..then she softly smiled. It was a child-like smile of pure and utter content and happiness. Then she closed her eyes and feel asleep. I see now that she wanted to go so that I can start my family and it be 100% of my time and focus.
Some other things that's been consuming my mind several weeks ago were those very dark times. The times where you feel so lonely and helpless. The times you see all the bad stuff when you are the primary caregiver. I've just been having flashbacks of some of those times. Like the time I went out for just a bit and came back to find her on the floor propped up against the hospital bed with her oxygen like across the room and she wasn't able to reach it and she was just crying. Or, New Year's Eve when she woke up in the middle of the night and was having breathing issues and she said she felt like she was going to die now. And rushing her to the ER at 2 am in the morning and then finding that she had a massive blood clots that were branching out and she was touch and go for a few days. Or the time I was on the sofa in an adjoining room while my sister sat with her as the nurse came in to give her medications and she her body had to be readjusted and all I could hear was her crying and moaning my name. Or the numerous times I had to clean away every form of bodily fluid and she looked up at me with helpless eyes....knowing that her dignity was going away but relieved that I was there with her to handle it all. I think the worse of it was when I had to wipe tears away when she'd ask why this was happening to her. Before I had Baby C, I use to think how gross it was to clean those dirty diapers, or all the puke and spit up..and just taking care of another human life. When C was born, I said to myself, "I got this".
Lastly, I've been feeling that void again with mom not being here. I am enjoying all the little things Baby C is doing, all the little milestones he's reaching and it just makes me so so sad, that mom is not here to see it. It's not as bad as the first few weeks of his birth...those days were bad. So many nights as I nursed him, I couldn't help but cry and cry. But then you don't want your baby to feel that sadness emanating off of you so you keep it inside..and just hold him closer to show him you love him more than anything else in the whole world.
It was during my research on HIV/Herpes that I stumbled upon the Hiv/Herpes information; information which is quite easy to find when doing a search for STD on google. I was into conspiracy at the time thought of HIV/Herpes Cured' being a conspiracy was something Ignorance though,I found pretty interesting about herbal medicine. I asked questions about the Herbal cure's on official HIV/Herpes websites and I was banned for doing so by moderators who told me that I was parroting Hiv/Herpes propaganda. This reinforced my belief that there is a cure for Hiv/Herpes Then i found a lady from germany name Achima Abelard Dr Itua Cure her Hiv so I send him a mail about my situation then talk more about it and send me his herbal medicine I drank for two weeks.And today I'm Cured no Hiv/Herpes in my life,I searched for Hiv/Herpes groups to attempt to make contact with people in order to learn more about Hiv/Herpes Herbal Cure's I believed at this time that you with the same disease this information is helpful to you and I wanted to do the best I could to spread this information in the hopes of helping other people.That Dr Itua Herbal Medicine makes me believes there is a hope for people suffering from,Parkinson's,Alzheimer’s disease,Bechet’s disease,Crohn’s disease
ReplyDelete,Cushing’s disease,Heart failure,Multiple Sclerosis,Hypertension,Colo_Rectal Cancer,Lyme Disease,Blood Cancer,Brain Cancer,Breast Cancer,Lung Cancer,Kidney Cancer,Love Spell,Lottery Spell,disease,Schizophrenia,Cancer,Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Infertility,Tach Disease ,Epilepsy ,Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Autism,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma, (measles, tetanus, whooping cough, tuberculosis, polio and diphtheria)Allergic diseases.Parkinson's disease,Schizophrenia,Lung Cancer,Breast Cancer,Colo-Rectal Cancer,Blood Cancer,Prostate Cancer,siva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Seizures,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic diseases.Hiv_ Aids,Herpe ,Copd,Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.
Dementia.,Hiv_ Aids,Herpes,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Copd,Diabetes,Hepatitis,I read about him online how he cure Tasha and Tara,Conley,Mckinney and many more suffring from all kind of disease so i contacted him . He's a herbal doctor with a unique heart of God, Contact Emal..info@drituaherbalcenter.com / drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Phone or whatsapp..+2348149277967.
Here is a great herbal doctor who cured me of Hepatitis B. his name is Dr. Imoloa. I suffered Hepatitis B for 11 years, I was very weak with pains all over my body my stomach was swollen and I could hardly eat. And one day my brother came with a herbal medicine from doctor Imoloa and asked me to drink and I drank hence there was no hope, and behold after 2 week of taking the medicine, I started feeling relief, my swollen stomach started shrinking down and the pains was gone. I became normal after the completion of the medication, I went to the hospital and I was tested negative which means I’m cured. He can also cure the following diseases with his herbal medicine...lupus, hay fever, measles, body pain, dry cough, diabetics hepatitis A.B.C, mouth ulcer, mouth cancer, bile salt disease, fol ate deficiency, diarrhoea, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease, mental and behavioural disorder, liver/kidney inflammatory, eye cancer, skin cancer disease, malaria, chronic kidney disease, high blood pressure, food poisoning, parkinson disease, bowel cancer, bone cancer, brain tumours, asthma, arthritis, epilepsy, cystic fibrosis, lyme disease, muscle aches, cholera, fatigue, muscle aches, shortness of breath, tuberculosis, alzhemer's disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Anxiety Disorders, Back Pain, Crohn's Disease, Chronic renal failure, acute myeloid leukaemia, acute pancreatitis, chronic inflammatory joint disease, inflammatory bowel disease, Addison's disease, back acne, breast cancer, allergic bronchitis, Celia disease, bulimia disease, congenital heart disease, cirrhosis, fetal alcohol spectrum, constipation, fungal nail infection, fabromyalgia, (love spell) and many more. he is a great herbalist man. Contact him on email; drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. You can also reach him on whatssap- +2347081986098.
ReplyDeleteHappiness is all i see now, i was herpes sicker for 6 years but i thank God for directing my footsteps to Dr Emu, he gave me instructions and i followed and in 2 weeks i was completely cured using his medicine, I am now Herpes Negative Contact Dr Emu for more information, He also has other cure to other ailment, HIV AIDS, CANCER, DIABETES, HEART DISEASE, HEPATITIS B/C And also restore broken relationships such as Ex HUSBAND, Ex WIFE, BROKEN MARRIAGES, Any kind of Problem in any relationship can be restore back in 24hours, Just Email: emutemple@gmail.com Whatsapp or call: +2347012841542
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It is no secret that I have a very deep and personal relationship with God. I have pushed and resisted that relationship this past year through all the bullshit I have had to go through living with Herpes but once again, God is bigger than my stubbornness and broke through that outbreak cold sore and all I had Genital Herpes. For me personally, hearing over and over how I am not good enough has really invaded my mind in the worst way possible. I completely shut down and I was just waking up like is this how life going to end this temporary herpes outbreak “fuck everybody with herpes if you know what I mean” but let's be honest here...
ReplyDeleteIt is a cowardly to say no to herbal medicine. It is fear based. And it is dishonest to what my heart wants. Don't build a wall around yourself because you are afraid of herbals made or taking a bold step especially when it's come to health issues and getting cure. So many young men/ women tell me over and over that Dr Itua is going to scam me but I give him a try to today I feel like no one will ever convince me about herbal medicine I accept Dr Itua herbal medicine because it's cure my herpes just two weeks of drinking it and i have been living for a year and months now I experience outbreak no more, You can contact him if you need his herbal medicine for any such diseases like, Herpes, Schizophrenia,Cancer,Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic,Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob,Dairies,Lyme Disease,Epilepsy, ,ALS,Hepatitis,Copd,Parkinson disease.Genetic disease,Fibrodysplasia disease,Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Men/Woman infertility, bowel disease ,Huntington's disease ,Diabetes,Fibroid. disease,Lupus,Lipoid Storage diseases( Gauchers disease),Polycystic Disease.,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Cirrhosis of Liver,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic,HIV, Epilepsy, Infertility, Love Spell,. Email..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com then what's app.+2348149277967.... My advice to any sick men/women out there is simple... Be Always an open book. Be gut wrenching honest about yourself, your situation, and what you are all about. Don't hold anything back. Holding back will get you nowhere...maybe a one way ticket to lonelyville and that is NOT somewhere you want to be. So my final truth...and I'm just starting to grasp this one..