Monday, April 15, 2013

A Birthday Without Mom



A few weeks ago I experienced my first birthday without mom. The entire birthday weekend hit me very hard. It was filled with a feeling of missing-ness and my heart just hurt so deeply that at times, it felt as if I couldn't breathe. This was the first birthday that she wasn't here.  30-some years ago, she was in a hospital about to give birth to me...her first born. And today, she wasn't here. That physical bond was not present. It was a strange and foreign feeling...that's the best way I can even describe it.

First things first. I was showered by emails, phone calls, messages from family and friends all over the world so I definitely felt very loved and thank everyone who reached out to me. But,  my heart ached from mom not being here. What would normally be our "mom-daughter hanging out day",  was spent with a cousin and her family. They truly went above and beyond to make the day seem not so sad and I truly had a wonderful time. We had lunch, we laughed, and even had a birthday cake with WAY too many candles to blow out (I'm getting old!).

The day after, on my actual birthday was very special as well. My husband knowing that mom was always the first person to call me each year to wish me a happy birthday very early in the morning, called my cell phone while I was getting up to take a shower. Yes, he was in the same room. Haha! He knew how sad it made me to not get that early morning phone call and took matters into his own hands to start my birthday off with a smile. It was such a silly but quirky gesture of love and thoughtfulness. We spent the rest of the day together. We stayed in and spent the day cooking together, and watched a movie. It was nice :-)

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