|Chemo - Round 2 (not a bad self pic)|
Over the weekend, she slipped again though -- lots and lots of naseau and fatigue. It's heart wrenching how your spirits can be deflated in such a short amount of time. Today (Monday, June 16th), we ended up going in for a follow-up and they got her some hydration, more Emend and an energy boost. So, she was feeling pretty good tonight. She even said to me, "Baby...I feel so good now. I feel normal. I know it won't last but I just wanted you to know that I am ok for now and you do what you need to do to take care of yourself the next couple of days". She insisted that I get my hair done and for me to see my chiropractor since all the hustle and bussle has caused me some back pain. It was somewhat comforting to have her in that role again...worried about me.
A friend of mine in the stomach cancer community suggested that I join some groups online for primary caregivers. I was skeptical at first but honestly, it's been so therapeutic. I've been talking with the most strong hearted people who are experiencing exactly what I am going through. I know that my personal support network has been amazing but it's just different. As much as people care...they don't fully understand what it takes physically, mentally and emotionally each and every day to be a primary caregiver. The decisions you have to make...not knowing if it will result positively or be a set-back, the frustrations you endure, the feeling of hopelessness of those bad days etc. So many things at play.
One member told me something that really stuck with me, "Life can be difficult, and very short and fragile, so enjoy the good moments and endure the bad". Thank you DW.