Carrying On

It's been a week or so since I've updated the blog. I've had quite a bit going on trying to manage the multitude of things/events going on (hospital visits, working with social worker to find a new place for mom, preparing for the baby in a few months, trying to get mom's place boxed up/cleaned/rented, getting our old home cleaned and rented, my full time job and just the day to day things). My days are very very full. I hardly remember the days where I can just pick up and go to a movie, dinner or just hang with friends. It seems like anytime I do plan something, it always falls through.  So, nowadays, I just don't plan things at all. I do miss the days where I'd go to the gym and have Zumba several days a week...or go to a hair appointment...or having a girls outing and go shopping...or something as to just sit for 10 minutes and do absolutely nothing cause I have nothing to get done. I'm not complaining; it's just my life now. It is what it is and I am dealing with it. I have a good support system at home and will get through this. When I find myself getting into that deep dark place of despair, I focus and immerse myself into baby stuff. So far, it's been a good distraction from all the sadness and it's helped me to carry on.

As for mom, mid-late last week, her hemoglobin dropped to critical levels again. It was in the 7's and so for the first time, she had to undergo several blood transfusions. Seeing her on those days broke my heart...she was so out of it, weak, and frail. Anytime I'd look into her eyes, it was a look of pure hopelessness. During those days and into the weekend, I kept working with the social worker to see if we can find a better place for mom to go. I was on edge because the doctors wanted to discharge her but we didn't have anything lined up. Stressed is not a strong enough word to even use. I took a lot of time off last week to tour some facilities and narrow down potential choices. But, we kept running into the HUGE road block of them not accepting TPN patients or they had no vacancies. And, to make matters worse, there aren't that many transitional/rehab facilities out there and normal nursing homes are not covered at all by insurance.

Finally, Monday afternoon, I got a call from one of the social worker and that one of the rehab places had a vacancy and would be able to accommodate all of mom's medical and physical needs (which is quite the list). I was very happy and relieved because from my initial assessment of them, they seemed caring and genuine. But, I will still apprehensive and on-guard a bit after our previous experience.