These have been my darkest days thus far. The last couple days I feel like my heart has shattered into a million pieces. So much has happened in just the matter of a few days.
First things first, mom's catheter was removed today. Ever since it was surgically inserted it's been causing her a great deal of pain. They tried to drain fluid out of her lungs and there was a striking pain. They waited a few days to see if would get better but it didn't. It got to the point where she would just have to move a couple inches, or cough and she'd be groaning from the pain and had to take morphine. She was just miserable.
Yesterday I spent the entirety of the day talking to a slew of people while I sat and watching mom as she tried to get some rest. I met with the pharmacist, the palliative doctor, the pain management nurse, the physical therapist, the chaplain, the social worker and Dr. A. They all are working together to make mom as confortable as possible and give me some much needed support in various realms.
The most important meeting of the day was meeting Dr. A and the palliative doc. Mom told them that she wanted to stop treatment once and for all. The side effects are just too much to bare anymore and she is just choosing to be free of it all. She's been on so many meds these past few months, that she takes drugs to offset symptoms of other drugs she's taking. It was hard to hear her say those words but I respect how far she's come. Yes, I yearned to find out if one of the c-met inhibitors could make an impact on diffuse gastric cancer in our family but it will not happen. And, although some might say it was all for nothing, I don't agree with that. I fought each and every day to get to the next. Together her and I took this journey together and each day was truly precious and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love my mom immensely and I will always do what's right by her...even if it means letting her go.