DAY 6 - Tuesday
Today I had quite the scare. It had taken a short break to drop off a relative to the airport and then headed straight back to the hospice. When I arrived, mom was on the floor near her bed crying and repeating how she couldn't breathe. I looked and her oxygen tube was across the room and she couldn't reach it. I quickly put that on and got her to settle down.
She said she'd been calling for help for an hour but no one came. Near her was spilled water. Apparently she was trying to get up to use the bathroom herself when she fell and didn't have the strength to get back up :-( It really saddened me. What if I wasn't there in time and those were her last moments in life. Ugh...I am trying my hardest not to think about it.
I'm so relieved that we will be moving to the dedicated residential hospice tomorrow morning where her care will be more personalized since the nurse to patient ratio is 4-1. Should be WAY better.
I've been here by myself pretty much all day...just watching her sleep. She had a few moments during the day when she was awake and I talked to her even though she would just utter some words here and there. I also assisted the hospice nurse aide earlier this morning who gave her a sponge bath. When she left, I gave mom a nice massage and put lotion on her body. I cherished this moment when I could feel her warm skin.
I've been watching her body closely and the recent changes and it's really scaring me. I've been reading about signs to look for as one approaches death. I'm seeing several signs in both the preactive and active phases of dying. My mind is going crazy...do I have weeks left...a week...a few days? The inevitable finality of this is soon approaching and then I have an uphill battle of coping and recovery.