These past few days have been incredibly hard without you. I keep thinking about how I will not see your smiling, proud, face at my graduation. Or who I will call when I need recipes for Guyanese food. Or who will teach me to be a mother when I have my first child. Or simply who will call me daily just to check up on me and ask if I've eaten. Everyone that knows you knew you showed your love through food. When LM and I came back from your place, we were 10 lbs heavier.
I was the child that drove you crazy. I was the child that made you want to pull your hair out. We screamed, yelled, and argued. You thought you knew best. I wanted to do things my way. It was only recently that I realized that the reason we always bumped heads is because I am a lot like you--especially with your short temper. Neither of us wanted to back down. Thank God for Lorita, who was the mediator between us.
But we always made up. And when I needed you, you were always there. You showed unconditional love and support when I was right or wrong. You were my number one fan. That is what the definition of a mother is.
I wanted you to be around forever. Maybe it was selfish but I couldn't imagine my life without my mother. As a child I told you that if you died, I would die too. You said to me: "You won't always need me. You will have a husband and family to live for." You told me that you could help Lorita and I far more from up above that you could ever help us on earth. I am counting on you for this, Mom. I am counting on you to travel this journey called life with me, laugh with me and cry with me.
It is because of you I am who I am. It is because of you I work as hard as I do--to make you proud whether you are on earth or somewhere far away. But what I have taken most from your departure is to be a better person. I know you are watching me and you will make sure of this. You have taught me to be grateful for what I have, to appreciate every person, every moment and every day before it is too late and they are gone.
From you, I have learned to live in the moment, seize the day, and always look beautiful while doing it.
You have given so much for Lorita and myself, Mom. And today, we give this back to you. We honor, on this day, the most beautiful and generous woman we have ever known.
You are free from pain now. You have left the confines of this cruel world to a place of eternal peace. You are with grandfather, grandmother, Aunty S, Aunty X, RJ, M and all of your wonderful pets.They are taking good care of you. For this reason, I do not worry. You are in the best hands.
The last time I saw you, I hugged you and kissed your forehead but I did not say goodbye. I said "see you next time, Mom. I love you."
This is not good bye. This is see you later. When it is my turn and I am called home, I know you will be there to alleviate my fears, to hold my hands, and to guide me as you always have.
I love you, Mom. See you again one day…