I'm scared about tomorrow. This is it. Will this new chemo be responsive and give us more time? I'm so so tired of bad news and so is she. The realization that she won't make it through this has been taken a great emotional toll on her. All I can do is be there for her. A shoulder to cry on and a voice of hope. Up to this point, I've done a decent job at keeping my tears at bay and focusing on what I had to accomplish. But this week, I find myself just crying all the time because she's asked me to start doing research on hospice care and final arrangements.
I also think of that look she gave me at our last appointment when she found out the cancer got worse haunts my mind. The tears that flooded her eyes and the trembling of her lips...it was like she was the child crying and I was the mother comforting her.
I am not very religious but tonight I am praying for some good news as we head into chemo round 3. Sandra..Rajen...she's not ready yet.